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Soothe First, Solve Later: The Key to Handling Emotional Distress

Writer's picture: Katrina SteelKatrina Steel

How to Soothe Yourself in Distress: Why Soothing Comes Before Solutions


In moments of distress, it’s natural to want to find a solution or make sense of what’s happening. However, when emotions are running high and your mind feels overwhelmed, focusing on soothing yourself first is the most critical step. Soothing is not about fixing; it’s about creating safety and calm in your body and mind. Once you’ve achieved this state, you can think more clearly and address the root of the issue.


When you feel emotional, the first thing is take time to sooth yourself. Nothing else is more important.
When you feel emotional, the first thing is take time to sooth yourself. Nothing else is more important.

Here’s how to focus on self-soothing during moments of distress:


The Primary Focus: Breath


Your breath is a powerful tool to calm your nervous system. Practice deep, deliberate breathing to signal safety to your body and mind. Try this simple exercise:


  • Inhale deeply for four counts.

  • Hold your breath for four counts.

  • Exhale slowly for six counts.


This intentional rhythm helps regulate your nervous system and shift you out of the fight, flight, or freeze response.



Breathe into the moment and use the space around you to access the here and now. Come out of your mind and just  See and Be in the NOW
Stop and Breathe into the moment. Use the space around you to access the here and now. Come out of your mind and just See and Be in the NOW

Becoming Present: Grounding in the Here and Now


When distress strikes, your mind can spiral into overthinking, reliving the past, or fearing the future. To counter this, focus on orienting yourself to the present moment:


  • Observe your surroundings with curiosity. Notice the colors, textures, and objects around you.

  • Feel the weight of your body in your chair, the ground beneath your feet, or the sensation of your clothing against your skin.

  • Use your senses to connect to the here and now. For example, identify five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste.


The present moment is often safe, unlike the emotional charge of the past or the uncertainty of the future. Grounding yourself allows your emotional body and mind to begin calming down.


Speak Kindly to Yourself


Your inner dialogue is a significant factor in your ability to self-soothe. Use a calming, reassuring tone with yourself.


  • Offer gentle words like, “I am safe,” or “This feeling will pass.”

  • Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling and that it’s part of being human.

  • Avoid pressuring yourself to “figure it all out” in the moment.


This compassionate self-talk creates an internal sense of safety, reducing emotional intensity and allowing your body to relax.


Why Soothing Matters More Than Solutions


When you're distressed, your emotional and physical state often prevents you from effectively solving problems or making sense of what’s happening. Trying to find answers while in a heightened state can lead to frustration, confusion, or further stress.


Soothing yourself first creates a foundation of calm, which is essential for clarity. It’s about sending a message to your body and mind that you are safe, that the immediate danger has passed, and that you can rest in the present.


Once you’ve calmed your emotional body, your mind will naturally settle. From this place of calm, you’ll be better equipped to reflect, understand, and find solutions.


The Power of Self-Soothing

In moments of distress, remember: you don’t need to resolve or understand everything right away. The primary goal is to soothe.


  • Breathe deeply.

  • Ground yourself in the present.

  • Speak to yourself with kindness.


By prioritizing self-soothing, you’re creating the conditions for healing, problem-solving, and emotional balance. Let calm and safety be your first steps—solutions can follow later.

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