Learning to love yourself is the greatest gift and the most profound way in which you can influence the state of the world.
Our external world reflects our inner relationship with ourselves. If you want love and peace in your life, create love and peace within your heart and mind.
We need to learn to give this to ourselves first. Yet, most of us believe that the only acceptable way to receive love is from others.
Self Less
We are raised to think that if we love ourselves, we are selfish or vain. In an attempt to remain loveable and acceptable to society, we live in self-hatred and self-criticism, hoping that harshness will bring us closer to love. We are actually conditioned to self loathing and hatred as a way to humility and honour.
We externalise our love and worth making others responsible
for giving it to us.
We cast ourselves aside, hoping this will bring us the love we desire. We believe that meeting our own needs and making ourselves happy is wrong. We think it is selfish and fear judgment if we prioritize our needs and desires. We believe we must be selfless to be worthy and good. We think we need "less of self" to be loveable. Crazy, really.
The issue then arises that we are living "without." We are without ourselves. We begin to externalize love, placing the responsibility on others for us to feel loved.
Love becomes a need. We become needy. We start to believe that the only way to feel fulfilled is through the love of others. We begin to live with the perspective that others are responsible for the love we feel, and only through their love will we feel worthy of love.
Love has now officially become externalised, as has our worth and
love is now ‘with-out’ us.
It sounds ludicrous to believe that by not loving ourselves, we will create and attract love. It is absurd to think that others are the source of our self-love. And yet, this is what we believe. This is the framework of society, the structure of social norms. For love to be available to us, it must be given by others rather than self-created.
“You love yourself” is an ongoing taunt our children hear on the playground. The taunts we heard throughout our childhood, and continue to hear through media, society, and the unconscious world, serve as a means of control and disconnection. These beliefs are not intentionally cruel; they are simply unconscious. They are the unquestioned social rules, norms, and beliefs that perpetuate the idea that self-love is a sin.
We need to change this. We need to challenge this. We need to learn to love ourselves.
Self Love
The truth is, to bring love into this world we must love ourselves first.F.L.Y… First Love Yourself… and everything else will fall into place.
The key to happiness lies within our ability to love ourself,
see ourself, know ourself.
Self-love is the playground for self-awareness, self-concept, self-esteem,
self-worth, & self-actualisation.
So how do we learn to love ourselves? We begin by realizing our value. As we discover our values, we develop self-awareness around who we really are. This awareness helps us uncover our qualities and live a life that holds value. We start to live according to our values, turning them into actions. Our values make us valuable. We then begin to see our worth, build our esteem, and through self-love, give ourselves the support, nurture, and care we need to fulfill our dreams and become actualized. Simple, really.
This all starts by challenging the way we think and speak to ourselves. For self-love to flourish, our mental and emotional framework needs to be encouraging, supportive, nurturing, understanding, and most of all, kind.
Self Talk
So how do you speak to yourself about yourself?
I know the influence that words have on the way we view and relate to our world. As a psychotherapist, I use thoughts and words to shift perceptions, emotions, and behaviors, creating new ways of thinking and relating to the world my clients live in. My clients begin to create new relationships with themselves by using words that encourage, support, and nurture themselves. They stop holding themselves hostage to mental and emotional abuse by shifting their inner dialogue and choosing to speak kindly to themselves. By stepping into and developing a self-loving relationship, they transform their lives. The truth is, if you want to experience healthy relationships, you must first create a healthy relationship with yourself.
The inner mental critic is limiting, fearful, and controlling.
The inner mental nurturer is supportive, kind, and expansive.
To put it simply, when we think kindly, we live kindly.
It's ironic that the inner critic believes it will create growth and change through criticism. The truth is, we grow, change, and achieve through support and love. When you start to be loving to yourself and speak kindly to yourself, you will begin to grow, heal, and expand. Life will become easier, and hardship will become surmountable. You will raise your vibration and begin to resonate at the frequency of love.
Positive words help support you and bring you into a relationship of nurture, love, and kindness. The universal law states that love begets love, just as hate begets hate. You can choose words of kindness, encouragement, support, and love. You can be the nurturer of yourself rather than the critic.
By using the power of words aligned with the power of intention, we can shift our mental, emotional, and behavioral states, bringing ourselves into growth, self-love, and healing.
Step into self-love and use words to influence your thoughts. When you hold attention on what you want, you begin to align yourself with your intentions. You can begin to align yourself with what you need to feel love and be at peace.
F.L.Y.. First Love Yourself ~ From this space everything falls into place.
Let me make this clear….
You deserve LOVE, CARE, COMPASSION and KINDNESS. LOVE yourself. ACCEPT yourself. Be KIND and UNDERSTANDING with yourself. Be PROUD of your achievements. Be TOLERANT of your mistakes. Give yourself permission to be imperfect. Realise your imperfections are absolutely loveable and perfect. Speak to yourself with ENCOURAGEMENT, COMPASSION and LOVE.
The world needs you to love you…
Choose & Atune. Attention with Intention
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